Festive things to do at this time of year

There are a lot of fun things to do at Christmas time. Let's all add yours to mine and then email it to a 1,000 others and your fortune will change and Bill Gates will send you a personal check and I'll be an attorney by then. Here's one of my favorite things to do at this time of year. Now don't break the chain or you will get something stuck. Dave C. One thing I like to do at Christmas time is to walk toward the Salvation Army guy ringing the bell like I'm going to put money in and get right up to the red bucket and then shy away. They get their hopes up and then they say under their breath, that "dumb ass" It's dang funny. dc

Pinky Finger Tray Experiment

I experimented with the Pinky Finger Tray (PFT) twice in the last two days and both times it turned out exactly like I predicted-no tarter sauce on my black shirt or my black pants. I risked it all wearing black but I wanted a good experiment. There was an added incident that happened however. As I was driving and eating my fishwich with my PFT a guy in the car next to me was trying to get my attention but I couldn't understand him. I kept shrugging my shoulders and mouthing the words, "What are you saying? I don't understand you." So I rolled my window down and he rolled his and he yelled, "Smart ass." I took that as a compiment as it was better than, "Dumb ass. " Anyway. It worked like a charm and I recommend it for people on the go or for a "man in motion" like myself.

Now Vicki wanted me to invent a method of eating a taco that isn't messy. Well I took Grandma, who is blind and mostly deaf to get a taco. She had an interesting method of eating them. She just tore it apart and picked whatever she could up with her fingers and dipped it in my salsa that I was using to eat my chips. I said, "Excuse me, but is my salsa getting on your taco?" She said, "No, it's taco sauce." Anyway, Vicki I have some work to do on this one as it's going to be a "bitch" to solve. I don't think grandma's method would work using only one hand and I think you have to be able to "see" to eat those things. More to follow. dc

KNow your Audience Observation/Invention

So we play this incredible job at Smith Optics Friday-two jobs, for day and swing shift-and we learn a Santana song to meet the needs of the employees we feel will be there. The song is Oya Coma Va (or something like that.) We start it and I look out over the audience and see the faces of a hundred orientals with a look on their faces that says, "What dumb A** song is that?" They came up after and said, "We love you music. You are so good. Can you play anything we know?" Well, all I can say is, "Know your audience" or you'll look like a dumb a**.

New Observation

This is like an invention because it's a new observation. Have you ever noticed that for every situation you have there is also a dumb ass trying to give you advice? The trick is to know who the dumb ass is. It's usually the one with tarter sauce on his shirt. (See Pinky Finger Tray Post below) dc

Dark Horse is Bustin' Free

Dark Horse is chargin' around the corral and is ready to bust down the fences and run free into the west, leavin' a cloud of dust behind them. They'll be snortin' steam from their nostrils and sweat will be soakin' their hide. Sparks will be a crackelin' from their hooves as the throw their heads into the setting sun. I sure hope Jamie Hawkes is ready for this show at the ward Christmas party tonight!

Pinky Finger Tray

This is a cool idea for people on the go. How do you eat a Fishwich without getting the tarter sauce on your pants or shirt while you drive? How do you eat it and drive at the same time and not spill? I took this challenge and here is the result: Take the little box that the pesky critter comes in and open it up so your little pinky finger of your left hand is in the fold when you open it out flat. Now hold the fishwich or sea burger in the remaining fingers of that same hand holding the sandwich inside the box. Now just eat away and the tarter sauce will spill into the box and not on your shirt and you won't look like a dumb ass eating a sandwich driving down the road. This is a great and practical invention for the modern man on the move. Have fun. Tonic Man

Christmas Tree Storage/Transport System

Well people today I will invent a Christmas Tree Storage and Transportation System for the annual Christmas tree. Don't use this on a real tree and if you ask why turn off your computer and slowly back away as you could be dangerous.
Step 1. Find or create a large plastic covering for the entire tree.
Step 2. Open the bag and place the tree including the stand inside the bag.
Step 3. Bring the bag up around the tree and tie if off at the top. You can see why you need a large bag. They sell them at Target, etc.
Step 3. Get at large foldable bab big enough to place the base of the tree inside. I got mine at Walmart as they were made of green cheap plastic.
Step 4. Use masking tape or similar to wind around the tree and hold the plasici quite tight against the tree.
Step 5. Use small rope or heavy twine to make a loop at the top and tie it off then bring the rope down toward the bag securing the base and tie it all together. When you are done you will have a rope handle that is secured at the top and the bottom for one-man easy transporting and also storing. Works like a charm. Evidently a charm works pretty good.