If I was asked to speak at the world convention on Bio-fuels because their main speaker got the day wrong I would, yes. This is what I would do.
I would wear a nice dark blue suit with a red tie and have my cool leather brief case in my hand as I walked up to the podium. I would place the brief case on the floor by my feet and the with my right hand I would grab the front of the podium and lean way forward toward the audience turning slightly sideways to the left. I then would say with a lot of authority and conviction in my voice, (I would have already sipped 2 diet cokes so I could do this) I would say slowly and deliberately, "You call yourselves scientists? You're not scientists you're nothing but a bunch of lazy bums. Why, I can get more gass out of a bowl of chilli beans at Wendy's then you can from a bushel of wheat." Then I would say really loud, "Now get your asses back to work, NOW!" Everybody would be saying, that's the best talk I ever heard or I never thought of beans or He's a freakin' genius.
Then as I was walking out with my chaufer he would say to me quietly, "It's the other kind of gas." I would think a minute while looking for the nearest exit and say, "oh."
