What you would do..........?

A number of years ago I was at this fancy smancy party talking to some up-itty fancy smancy folks and while I am eating a macaroon homemade cookie I realize that I have this huge hair in my mouth. I am standing right next to three people who are conversing with me. What do you think I did and what would you have done? Please post your responses............

I know I'm getting Older because............

I have had thoughts like, I'm driving down the road and I think, "oh, my hell, I forgot how to drive and I can't remember how far away from a fire hydrant one can park. Is it 20 feet or 200 feet?" I found out when I took the drivers test that the scoreing officer will give you a correct answer if it is more conservative. Like the question was; what is the speed limit in a school zone? I said 2 mph and he said that's wrong but if you believe that you'll be ok. So he gave me the question right. I find my self trying to justify speeding around the damn. I think I'll say, on a curve your radar won't be accurate because I was on the outside lane. I use my mother in laws disability parking pass that is expired but if I get caught I'll say, "2008? Are you sure? Oh, my hell she gave me the wrong one. She's blind you know." I think that will work. or, This trailer is under 750 lbs and so it doesn't need lights. If I can lift the corner off the ground will you believe it's under that weight? Of course I'd have to say I had a bad back. Anyway, I'm getting older and I'm thinking older. The other day a pretty girl walked by me in the hall and I thought "gee, I sure hope I don't break wind right now."

A Piece of Pirate Talk taken from my faceBOOK

This was taken from my FaceBook. You mates will enjoy it.

David Carver says: This pirate english is easy because I have been wearing my eye patch for the last 3 weeks. I can speak raccoon also if I have to.

Then, C Joleen Bailey Pearce Asks:
Is Raccoon tough to learn?

I say, that's a good question and people ask me it all the time. Speaking Raccoon is easy, understanding is hard at best. I'll answer the last one first. If you hear someone speaking raccoon you have two choices, 1. give them what they want or 2. slap them up the side of the head and say, "stop that dumb ass thing and tell me what you want." I've always known raccoon as I was raise by a family of them-that's me on the left.

When I was in elementary school I was sent to a speech therapy class and after a few days there with no improvement so the "head" lady came to visit. My teacher said something in a whisper to the head lady-a huge lady with big bossums.

She, the big lady came over to me and listened to me for just a few seconds and then she raised up her arms with the skin flapping underneath and said,

"good hell Mary, the boy's speaking Raccoon!" She then grabbed me and tried to smother me in those big bossums and I guess it helped because from then on I knew want I wanted in life and was able to speak good.

The Day I almost died by dave carver-recently

So the other day I'm driving around the dam heading to town and I see a white thing that looks like an iceberg just off the wind surfer's point. I say to myself, "What the hell is that?" I want to get a closer look so I turn off the road to check it out. As soon as I start to turn I see a car in front of me and there are a lot of cars behind me. So I think to myself, "What would Michelle Christy do in this situation?" She would act like she was in a movie and just keep going and pull off the road going 50 miles an hour. That's great for Michelle, but for me, I think, I'll play like I do this all the time and just go flying off the road like some dumb ass. When the dust and rocks settle I play like I'm looking at what turns out to be 40 Pelicans in a mass just sitting there waiting for me to crash through the guard rail and fly down the embankment and settle into a watery grave. Lucky for me there wasn't anyone that I knew when I pulled my little stunt. Michelle doesn't have to worry about competition from me.

My Clock on the BLOG Doesn't WORK

So I've been waiting for my clock on the right side of this blog to get working again like my atomic clock in the bathroom and it still isn't working. Therefore for you that are using it to know when to go to work, I'll keep changing the AM to PM when I check it as that's the only thing I can change. This will make it easier for you to go to work either in the morning or at night instead of visa-versa. I hope that's not too inconvenient for you or you could call me at 801-791-0075 and I'll tell you what time it is. Thanks

Hypo con dree act---act

Sometimes Grandma or most older people focus too much on their health as that's all they have to do. Recently, Grandma thought her face was going to explode because it was so painful. Her sinuses and jaws were really hurting her. After threats of needing to be taken the to emergency room, I finally relented and said I would get her to a doctor. I thought how much it was going to cost and how much time it would take and how far away an appointment was going to be. So I made an appointment with her dentist as he's really good at getting her in. I took her to the dentist and he took a lot of X-Rays(she loves stuff like that) and gave her a prescription for a low dose of antibiotic. This was really good since it was fast and cost a lot less. I went to the "pharma"(as she calls it) and bought a small pack of Tic-Tacs thinking that would be just as good. I took the label off and said they were miracle pills and that they would taste like candy-it was a new marketing strategy they were trying out. As it turned out, she was great and the pain went away and for half the cost and her breath is much improved also. A happy ending.